I've been thinking a lot about how to tell Nora her story. I've been practicing telling it to her but I fumble through it every time. I know it's not a one time conversation that I have to get perfect but I'm really trying to feel somewhat prepared. I assumed that our daughter would not be Caucasian (because of our previous match, I suppose) and so I just assumed adoption would come up a bit more since it would be more apparent that we did not look alike and unfortunately, ignorant outsiders would likely point this out beginning at birth. I now feel like I need to really make an effort to make her story an integral part of her life. This is causing me a bit of consternation. My mom is babysitting this Friday so I think I'm going to go on the hunt for some good adoption children's books. (Please leave me a comment if you have any favorites).
On this very topic, I also wanted to include a link to Lori at Weebles Wobblog's post today. She is such a pro at open adoption and I think her post is so worth reading if you don't already follow her blog: http://www.weebleswobblog.com/2009/11/moments-in-open-adoption-parenting-part.html. I only hope that I can be this together when the many adoption conversations arise.
Wait—What?? Not All Parts Get Adopted?
2 weeks ago
Posts
Hi Jen,
ReplyDeleteI was just given a golden book about adoption called A Blessing From Above. It is about a mamma Kangaroo with an empty pouch. While sitting under a tree a baby bird falls into her hands, and the momma bird lets her keep the baby because she sees how happy the mamma kangaroo is, and her nest is already too full! Very fitting for us, since our birthmom already has (a full nest) kids! I think it cost $3 and is more than worth it! Very cute, and I even had a tear when I read it! Good luck! I have been having the same feelings and Alex is not even here yet!
I have a few:
ReplyDeleteA Mother for Choco by Keiko Kasza, Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis, Over the Moon: An Adoption Tale by Karen Katz, and The Day We Met You by Phoebe Koehler. I just ordered I Wished for You: an Adoption Story by Marianne R Richmond. What can I say, I am a librarian's daughter - no shortage of books at my house!
The Jamie Lee Curtis book is probably my favorite. It is beautiful. Email me if you are interested in looking at them before you buy - you can stop by or we could meet for coffee [which you probably always need, right :) ]
Lane
Here are some suggestions:
ReplyDeleteAdoption Stories for Young Children by Randall B Hicks, Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis, A Koala for Kate by Jonathan London, All about Adoption by Marc Nemiroff and Jane Annunziata (this one is a children's book and goes into different types of adoption such as terminology, domestic and international, and infant adoption and older adoption.
My favorite two are Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born, A Koala for Kate.
Adoptive families magazine has a lot of articles about this, and some info on their website http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/.
Here is a direct link to one article on talking ot your children
http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=173
I Wished for You is definitely my favorite adoption book so far, but I still cannot get through it without crying! I also have most (all?) of the other books mentioned here, and they are very good. It is hard to figure out exactly what you will say, and when...but I think the most important thing is that adoption is always an on the table topic. There should never be "a time" when she remembers hearing her story. Then if you answer her questions openly and honestly, and validate her feelings, whatever they may be...well, the rest should fall into place!
ReplyDeleteLet me know if you find any other good books!
Melba
Jen, thanks so much for the shout out. I appreciate your kind words. :-)
ReplyDeleteYour readers have given some book suggestions! Some of them are new to me, and I'm eager to check them out.
XO to you.
I remember seeing an adopted child on some show ... can't remember what. And when asked about it she said that while she came from her birth mother's tummy, she also came from her (adoptive)mom's heart. I thought that was a sweet way to answer to her when she asked about when she was in her mommy's tummy - she wasn't, she grew in her heart. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting about this! I only have one adoption children's book so far....the Jamie Lee Curtis one and I cry almost every time I go through it. I can't wait to read it to our little one. I'll have to check out the other suggestions too.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for all these great suggestions! I have already placed my Amazon order! Another benefit of maternity leave- shopping online and actually being home when UPS comes:).
ReplyDeleteJust a little idea. I made my daughter her own book. It is nothing fancy, but has pictures of everything written just for her. To be honest I think it's her favorite book.
ReplyDelete