A couple of nights ago Joel and I watched the movie Up. We had both been wanting to see it for awhile and so we finally rented it. We brought sleeping Nora to the basement/make-shift movie watching space in her bouncy seat and we settled in to watch the movie. I had heard some interviews on NPR about the movie but other than that did not have a clue about it.
Divulging a piece of the plot here:
We got to the scene where infertility was addressed and I instantly burst into tears and began sobbing. (Joel already thinks I'm slightly crazy and over-emotional so he's not as phased by this any longer). The scene was so poignant and caught me completely off guard. (I knew from the interview they couldn't have kids but I thought that part would be glossed over). I was looking over at Nora and just sobbing. I wasn't crying about a bio kid vs. adopted kid which I really need to clarify. I was crying because watching that scene put me exactly back in that place of hopeful expectation and then ultimate disappointment. This cycle is repeated until the day Nora was put in my arms. Even waiting during adoption, while hopeful, is filled with it's own types of disappointments (not being selected, failed matches, long waits etc.). It just reminded me of all that we'd been through. Gratefully, I was able to look over through my tears and see the most precious gift anyone has given me.
In all my excitement of becoming a mom I had put all of the infertility issues away and this movie reminded me. I have a lot of friends on this journey now both in the blogosphere and those who are a part of my life and it made me so sad for the struggle that each of them and some of you are still facing. Those emotions are so hard to deal with and I hate to see anyone on the difficult parts of this journey.
When I began the process of blogging and reading blogs I hated following blogs of people who had already adopted. I'd read up to the part where they brought baby home (to give me hope) but then had no interest in reading about their life with baby. It was just too hard. Melba had a great post about this topic and I don't want to repeat her sentiments because she says it so well here: http://mandmadopt.blogspot.com/2009/12/little-conflicted-about-chirstmas.html. But, I was just reminded of how hard the wait is and how hard the journey can be and I wanted everyone who is currently on this path to know I'm thinking about you.
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During Thanksgiving, my parents and sister came to celebrate with us. My sister brought the movie with her, and I had no idea what it was about. The heartache of their lost hope is eloquently portrayed even without words. Even with Nora in your life now, the journey to get there was difficult. I can understand why it would make you cry. I'm typically a friendly lurker here, but this post got me. Your picture of Nora at the top gives me hope that eventually one day motherhood will happen for me too. :)
ReplyDeleteI haven't seen the movie but now I want to for sure. It is hard sometimes to see people that are now where you want to be eventually but that being said it does give me a little reminder everyday what the outcome of this wait will be. Seeing your little girl makes me realize that I just may have that same moment someday soon.
ReplyDeleteThanks for telling us about the movie...I'm trying to move on from the pain of all the issues you mention...I am no longer crazy (lol) but it comes to my mind about once a week...It's getting better.
ReplyDeleteLuckily I had read to bring tissues before I saw it in the theater. Sure enough, I needed them.
ReplyDeleteI just watched Julie and Julia and the same thing happened to me. Two scenes in there, one minor and one showing the emotions oh so well, I was a crying mess.
ReplyDeleteI was the opposite while waiting. I would keep reading after the baby comes home, now though, I find myself reading those waiting more often, which explains my playing catch up on all you new mommy's.