Joel's Perspective on the Highs and Low of Adoption

This blog has exclusively been from my perspective on adoption; however, Joel posted a comment to my blog that I wanted to publish (with his blessing) since it's great to have his perspective:

"My sister wrote me an email offering her support - I've been meaning to post my perspective so I thought I would just share my response.

Thanks for the kind words. It has really helped that everyone has been so supportive. Yeah, we were close but the birth mother decided to parent. Jen and I were pretty sad for a couple of days but I think we’ve pretty much recovered and are feeling optimistic again.

Frankly, for me it’s almost good that I was able to experience this false start. The last minute rejection has always been a fear of mine. I couldn't imagine how terrible it would make me feel to be almost matched and have it fall through at the last moment. I've now come to see that having that fear affected how I approached the initial process of adopting. I went into this last match with lots of reservations, knowing it could fail and result in some pretty intense feelings of loss. I wanted to feel the excitement and intensity of the moment but wouldn't allow for fear of the consequences if it didn't happen. But you know what? After experiencing it, it’s not so bad.

Yeah, it sucks at first; you feel like somebody punched your gut pretty hard, but you move on. After a couple of days with some time to reflect and the support of friends and family, the situation doesn’t appear as bleak as it once did.

I've come to realize that just because this one opportunity didn't come to fruition, it doesn’t mean we’ve reached a final end. It just means that our baby, the one meant for us, is still out there. And now, moving forward, I don't carry that fear of rejection as much. The next time we have a potential match, I think I'll be able to enjoy it much more. I’ll allow myself to feel the wonder and excitement that this unique experience offers. Even if it doesn't happen and the match falls through at the last minute, I now realize that there are events in life that can be devastating, but a failed match is far from one of them."