Settling In

Today is day three in the new house. The number of boxes are starting to dwindle and everyone is feeling a little more settled. I think even the dog has come to accept that this is his new home (after three homes in the last week). He's really quite the guard dog, which is funny, considering that he is 17 lbs. If no one saw him and just heard the barking it might do the trick.

Our move went really smoothly and I am so incredibly grateful for all of our friends and family who helped to move us in. The move took about an hour and we had everyone hang out for some bbq after the move. It was so nice to look around and feel so supported by our amazing friends and family. It just made me that much more excited to be in the new house and be able to share it with all those close to us.

New House- It's Official!

I'm happy to report that all went great during the closing today and we have both sold and purchased a home. I'm so excited that everything went so smoothly.

The sellers were great and told us about a block party that was coming up in the neighborhood. They said that they were hoping to attend as well as they really love the neighborhood. That was really encouraging to us. We asked them if there were many kids on the block. They began ticking off names of kids and told us all about the Easter egg hunt that usually takes place in front of our house each year. Strangely, the entire west side of the street is only male children and the east side (where we are moving) is all female. It will be interesting to see if that holds true for us too.

It was so great to hear how much they love the neighborhood and their neighbors. We already loved the house so this just made us feel that much better. I can't wait to move in on Sunday!

Closing a Chapter

I really feel as if I'm closing a chapter of my life over the next couple of days as I prepare to move out of our condo. We bought this place just months after getting married. It's in a really young, hip neighborhood close to downtown, restaurants and bars. We took advantage of it all and really loved living the lifestyle that this place afforded us. After a few years living that lifestyle we slowly started talking about kids. Eventually that gave way to trying to start a family. Our plan was to see how things went and then move to a house when the time came.

Well, as we all know, the starting the family part didn't go as swimmingly as we had hoped and then started the years of trying and fertility treatments. Medical procedures, acupuncture, massage and medications are not inexpensive so we decided to stay put. Fertility treatments evolved into adoption and we decided that we really needed to stay put and save up for awhile.

I loved the beginning years of living in our place and being newly married and carefree. The last few years of living here don't have the same happy memories for me. It really reminds me of the waiting and the uncertainty of our situation. The setting up of a baby room only to have it dismantled. This place is beginning to make me feel as if I'm in a permanent holding pattern, forever stagnating in the lifestyle of my late 20s.

On Saturday I'll be packing up and moving out of our condo. It's bitter-sweet but I'm really looking forward to closing this chapter in our lives. I know that the next place we move to will see a baby in it and I'm ready to start that chapter of my life. I'll miss the great lifestyle this place afforded me but I'm even more looking forward to the new chapter that lies ahead.

10!!!

I'm so happy that we have moved up the adoption list this month. I had absolutely no hopes of moving as our caseworker had informed us that summer was so slow. My co-worker received her update (she's adopting from the same agency out of pure coincidence) and she had moved two spots. Frequently she moves and I don't since they are a few spaces behind us so I wasn't really optimistic. I talked to our caseworker on Thursday and she informed me that we had moved up two spaces to #10- hooray!

They had 6 babies placed in the last three weeks. Three designated adoptions and three "instants" in which they had not previously been working with the birthparents. She also informed me that she had really advocated for us to be profiled to one of the birthfamilies. They wanted a bi-racial couple (which we are not) but she was hoping they might take a look at our profile as well to give them more options. They declined as they really wanted a bi-racial family but it at least made me feel good that our caseworker is advocating for us in this manner. We've asked that she not tell us when we're profiled so we don't really know if we've been profiled much in the past.

One interesting note is that I asked her if she's seeing an increase in designated adoptions and she said that they have certainly increased in the last year. That's something that we've struggled with for awhile. I just don't feel like I want to begin marketing ourselves (especially since we're now 10 on the list). Perhaps with baby #2 we'll consider a different route. I'm nervous about the emotional risks that would go with finding a birthfamily independently. I also don't want to wait through a long pregnancy. (At our agency you are matched at around month 7 or 8 when they are fairly confident of the mother's plan). It clearly works well for many families but the prospect makes me incredibly nervous.

Our caseworker also shared with us that there are many women due in the fall so my husband and I are both feeling optimistic (especially because of the 3 instants that happend just recently) that we might be bringing home bambino before the end of the year. Fingers crossed!

Michael Jackson and Fatherhood

I have to admit, never in a million years did I think I'd be discussing Michael Jackson on my blog. Lord knows the rest of the world is discussing his life enough already. This post really isn't as much about Michael Jackson as it is about the value our culture places on fathers and parenthood and the genetic definition of parenthood.

The media has been filled lately with the news that Michael Jackson's children might not be biologically his. It's been filled with news of a woman who is wholly absent from their lives perhaps gaining custody due to their supposed biological connection (which now is in question as perhaps she was a surrogate). Michael Jackson aside (since he may or may not be father of the year), this leads me to wonder what value we place on the people who tuck their children in at night, tend to their wounds, drop them off at school and who they call dad. Does biology trump all of that?

The way that we are defining parenthood in our society both legally and culturally is very disturbing to me. I think we'd all fare much better as a society and a culture if we opened up our language and defined motherhood and fatherhood more accurately as those who act as a mother and father not as someone who has passed on their DNA. I think this would not only create a better atmosphere for adoptive and foster parents but also for the birthmothers and fathers who make a very difficult life decision and who also may take an active role in their child's life through open adoption. A more broad definition of parenthood honors the many important roles that can be played in a child's life.

Birthparents

I was stopped in a torential rain storm today in my car and had some time to think about the incident with my neighbor yesterday. After considering his comment more I wish that I had addressed his underlying fear about birthmothers.

I was so taken aback by the comment that I didn't think that his comment was really more a comment of fear about birthmothers. (So many things to educate people about!). It is so disheartening to experience how people feel about the women who make the extremely difficult decision to create a plan of adoption. I can't imagine the burden that they carry when comments like this are wielded about freely. I was offended because I already feel protective of my future bambino but really I should have responded about the bravery and thoughtfulness of those women and men who make this very difficult decision that enable many of us to be parents. I know even in my brief experience of being matched my heart was breaking for the birthmom and she was in my thoughts all night through her labor.

Sadly, I know the occasion will arise again to educate someone else. I have a lifetime of being an adoption ambassador ahead of me so I'm sure I'll get a redo on this one.

Crack Babies/Stupid Comments

So, I was just out walking the dog in front of our building and ran into my neighbor. Word has traveled fast that we are moving so we are now chatting more than ever with everyone in our building. We've shared with many of our neighbors that we are adopting and so we are moving to have more space. Of course, word of us adopting has traveled quickly along with the gossip of us moving.

My neighbor stopped me to inquire about our move and I once again shared that we were adopting and that's why we were moving. He's a neighbor that I like and one that I generally chat with. When I explained about the adoption he said, "You aren't getting a crack baby are you?". What an insane question to ask. Part of me wanted to say, "Yes. I am getting a crack baby."

Of course, I was a good adoption ambassador and explained to him the criteria and forms that you fill out with the agency to ensure a good match and explained that some people are more open than others to different experiences and challenges and if he was concerned about something like that he could indicate so with the agency should he ever choose to adopt. (I am cutting him some slack because he and his partner are gay and may have considered adoption). I know people sometimes don't have filters and are just verbalizing their fears but SERIOUSLY?!?!

He then continued to tell me that his friends "got a baby" from a mom who abused drugs and the daughter is now a dilinquent even though they are wealthy and gave her everything. (Notice no mention of their parenting abilities). I was a little worn down so I just said with a smile, of course, the child you birth could come out the same way. Lord knows I've known plenty of families like that (smile and laugh).

I'm so glad I have this lovely blog to vent!