I was stopped in a torential rain storm today in my car and had some time to think about the incident with my neighbor yesterday. After considering his comment more I wish that I had addressed his underlying fear about birthmothers.
I was so taken aback by the comment that I didn't think that his comment was really more a comment of fear about birthmothers. (So many things to educate people about!). It is so disheartening to experience how people feel about the women who make the extremely difficult decision to create a plan of adoption. I can't imagine the burden that they carry when comments like this are wielded about freely. I was offended because I already feel protective of my future bambino but really I should have responded about the bravery and thoughtfulness of those women and men who make this very difficult decision that enable many of us to be parents. I know even in my brief experience of being matched my heart was breaking for the birthmom and she was in my thoughts all night through her labor.
Sadly, I know the occasion will arise again to educate someone else. I have a lifetime of being an adoption ambassador ahead of me so I'm sure I'll get a redo on this one.
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Another blogger came up with a way to explain to people. I mentioned her idea here:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.weebleswobblog.com/2008/05/what-kind-of-woman-does-this.html
I had to educate my own grandma.
I just found your blog through another blog and just wanted to say Hi and introduce myself.
ReplyDeleteI just read your whole blog, I love the way you articulate all of your thoughts, I wish I had had a blog when we were in the midst of waiting and wondering. Our story is a bit different but the ending is fantastic. My "baby" is about to turn 4!
Come visit my blog http://mayasdomain.blogspot.com/
I am excited to follow your story and see how it unfolds.
Nice "meeting" you! Maya
Just wanted to share my own thoughts on birthmothers. I've only ever known one woman, a girl actually, who gave her baby up for adoption and honestly it was the most unselfish act of love I've ever seen. Her story was the ultimate teenage horror story. She was an incredibly naive and innocent high school sophomore from an incredibly religious, strict family. She went to a prom with an older boy, was date raped, and got pregnant. Her family completely condemned her and kicked her out of their house. When I met her she was nearly 9 months pregnant and working two full time jobs at different restaurants to support herself while living on a friends sofa. She desperately loved her baby but she decided to give her up for adoption, not because she didn't want her or love her but because she loved her child too much to let her struggle through life with an unwed, uneducated teenage mom. She wanted her baby to have a good start in life and she knew she wasn't in a position to do everything she wanted for her child. Everyone put her down for her decision to give up her baby and constantly tried to talk her out of it but she stood strong knowing it was the best thing for her baby and for her. She did go through with the adoption. Her baby daughter was adopted by a wonderful family who kept in contact with her and often sent her photos and updates. I lost track of her not long after the adoption but I heard through the grapevine that she went on to put herself through college and was trying to get her degree in social work. I always admired her courage to put her child's future before her own love and desires. It was such a beautiful gift to witness, I can't even imagine how blessed and lucky those adoptive parents must have felt.
ReplyDeleteI understand that there are lots of horror stories out there about birthmothers but I really think they are the minority. Most of those mothers give up their babies so that they can all have better lives. In this day and age when abortion is so easy to get and poor women are often encouraged to live off the system with their children, often repeating the cycle of poverty and unplanned parenthood it's amazing to see people choose such a selfless path. As an expectant mom I can't imagine what it must feel like to spend 9 months with a child growing inside of you and then after the agony of delivery have the courage and strength to give that baby to another couple.
Ugh, sorry I got up on my soap box!