So, I was just out walking the dog in front of our building and ran into my neighbor. Word has traveled fast that we are moving so we are now chatting more than ever with everyone in our building. We've shared with many of our neighbors that we are adopting and so we are moving to have more space. Of course, word of us adopting has traveled quickly along with the gossip of us moving.
My neighbor stopped me to inquire about our move and I once again shared that we were adopting and that's why we were moving. He's a neighbor that I like and one that I generally chat with. When I explained about the adoption he said, "You aren't getting a crack baby are you?". What an insane question to ask. Part of me wanted to say, "Yes. I am getting a crack baby."
Of course, I was a good adoption ambassador and explained to him the criteria and forms that you fill out with the agency to ensure a good match and explained that some people are more open than others to different experiences and challenges and if he was concerned about something like that he could indicate so with the agency should he ever choose to adopt. (I am cutting him some slack because he and his partner are gay and may have considered adoption). I know people sometimes don't have filters and are just verbalizing their fears but SERIOUSLY?!?!
He then continued to tell me that his friends "got a baby" from a mom who abused drugs and the daughter is now a dilinquent even though they are wealthy and gave her everything. (Notice no mention of their parenting abilities). I was a little worn down so I just said with a smile, of course, the child you birth could come out the same way. Lord knows I've known plenty of families like that (smile and laugh).
I'm so glad I have this lovely blog to vent!
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I think that comments like those are par for the course...unfortunately. Some people just don't get it and the only way for them to ever get it is to educate them. Good for you!
ReplyDeleteGood job playing "adoption ambassador" to your neigbor! I waffle quite a bit on who to tell and not tell. I suppose telling people now gives us practice for more "educating fun" down the road!
ReplyDeletePeople are just clueless sometimes...it never ceases to surprise me!
ReplyDeleteWhat a horribly insensitive comment, particularly if you WERE getting a 'Crack' baby. I know a lesbian couple who have adopted 3 biracial special needs children (one was indeed born addicted to drugs) and they are extraordinarily wonderful children who have overcome more in their young lives than most of us could ever imagine. I hate to think of these beautiful, beloved children being labeled defective because of the unfortunate way they entered the world, all of which was out of their control. This couple with their 'crack babies' have created a loving supportive family that anyone would envy and because of their excellent parenting skills there children have thrived FAR beyond what anyone could have expected considering the problems they faced at birth. Having a perfect baby isn't as important as having a child to love and creating a family to nurture. I'm not an adoptive parent, in fact I'm expecting my first baby this Christmas, and I have to admire your strength and self control when dealing with insensitive and uninformed comments, not to mention hateful stereotypes. I feel defensive for you and it's not even any of my business :)
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