August 15, 2009

Meeting K and J: Bambino's Birthparents

We had our first meeting yesterday with K and J, Bambino's birthparents. I had worked myself into an utter disaster in anticipation of this meeting. On Tuesday I developed what I think might be eczema. The skin on the palm side of my fingers looked like I'd been in a bath for about a week and my skin was flaking and peeling off and felt like sand paper- very sexy I know. My co-worker commented that while I didn't seem stressed she hypothesized that bottling it up was making it ooze out of my fingers. (I think she's not too far off because right after our meeting my "condition" has vastly improved.)

Needless to say, I was a complete wreck. We had our meeting yesterday morning and I actually slept well the night before and seemed fine. The moment I got into the car it became very real and I was so stressed. We had to take the dog to the groomer first, which was a bit funny because he hates the groomer, so he was really stressed out too and was anxiously pacing around the back seat and panting loudly. Everyone in the car was a complete wreck, dog included. I really thought I'd become ill at any moment.

We finally arrived at Adoption Options and met with our caseworker. We strategized about how the room should be set-up and what would be most comfortable. We decided on cramming around a small circular table as that would be most intimate. We then just waited for K and J to arrive.

K and J walked into the room and it's a strange feeling to be seeing them for the first time. I never had an image in my mind of what our birthparents would look like and I had no expectations but it's so remarkable to see someone for the first time. I'm sure they had the same experience laying eyes on us for the first time as well (although, of course, they saw us in the video).

I can't even articulate what utter nervous disasters all of us were. It actually made me feel better that we were all equally as nervous. I felt like we were a group of pre-teens meeting for the first time and the caseworkers were helping to move along a normal adult conversation. I'm generally a fairly articulate person and I felt like I was bumbling through everything that I was trying to say. It's such an awkward and difficult meeting even though we clearly all liked each other off the bat. Luckily, our caseworker had warned us that this meeting is just awkward for everyone. That was reassuring.

I really liked both K. and J. They are very amazing, thoughtful and self-less individuals. I felt at ease with K. as she actually reminds me quite a bit of my cousin and that familiarity helped. She was so very thoughtful and has given a great deal of thought to her plan of adoption to the point of finding a space for us during her hospital tour. She has welcomed us into the hospital and myself into the delivery room because she thought that I might like to have that experience since I wasn't able to have that on my own. I felt that that was incredibly thoughtful and selfless. I'm trying to give her as much space as I can because I can't even imagine what giving birth would be like and I told her that she can just see how she feels minute by minute and we will respect whatever she wants and not take anything personally.

K has given so much thought to her plan of adoption that she's creating a baby book for the baby with photos all about her and her family and information explaining her decision. I can't tell you what this means to me. I'm so incredibly grateful to her for her love and devotion to the bambino. It is so utterly clear in every decision that she makes and everything that she does.

I think K and J are trying to be very sensitive to boundaries but I really want to make sure they are comfortable with us so I offered another meeting if they'd like. They decided to take us up on another meeting and we'll be meeting with them again in early September at a more casual location. I'm so grateful for another opportunity to meet with them where we will have our initial jitters out of the way and it will be more relaxed.

We ended the meeting by taking a group photo. I still can't believe that this is really happening. I think I've looked at this photo many times over the past 12 hours to make it sink in that this is real. I have to keep looking at our camera to remind myself that this is happening. I was yet again looking at the photo this morning and Joel commented that K and I actually have very similar faces and smiles and that we actually look alike.

I feel so blessed to have K and J as our birthparents and to have this incredibly wonderful situation. This is far better than I could have imagined.


  1. I can't even imagine what a wreck I'll be when we meet birthparents! What an exciting time!

  2. It sounds like a great meeting!

  3. Sounds like your relationship is off to a great start. Can't wait to read more of this story!

  4. What an awesome thing! I'm really excited for you! Prayers for you tonight! :D

  5. It is great that the meeting went very well; it is also nice that you will plan on meeting again in a few weeks!

  6. awesome news all the way around, I am so happy for you! I can't even begin to imagine the nerves, but it sounds like things went very well. Let the countdown begin!!


  7. This is such great news. I am glad the meeting went well. I will keep you in my thoughts. WOO HOO...

  8. I'm so happy for sounds like a wonderful match for all.

  9. Hi,
    I lurk every so often on your blog. Congrats on a great meeting! I remember meeting our son's birthparents for the first time and how nervous we all were. They sound like amazing people and I hope everything goes smoothly for all involved! What a wonderful situation. Bambino will have so many people who love her!

  10. Bambino will be so blessed to have that book K is making, and to have you two for parents.

  11. I was thinking about you this morning because I was driving by your old home on the way to an appointment. So now I am back at the office and jumped on your blog to catch up...and what a wonderful surprise. Your posts brought tears to my eyes. I'm so thrilled for you and can't imagine your excitement and anxiety.

    Hugs and much love to all of you....sending all my best wishes for the upcoming weeks as you wait and get to know the birth parents!!

  12. I'm in tears and send you a big ole hug, girl. Settled into the new house and now.. Bambino.. hey wait.. Bambina, right? ;o)