August 29, 2009

No Longer Quite as Crazy

I'm in a much better place than last time that I posted. I think work is feeling more manageable and I'm not as riddled with doubt as I have been over the last month. I think it's just taken awhile for everything to sink in and for me to get to that happy place. The first time that we received "the call" I was immediately in the happy place. This time it's taken me quite a bit longer but I've finally arrived.

A colleague and fellow adoptive mom counseled me that she felt the exact same way when she got "the call". It's a lot to take in and to process.

I've also been having that feeling of "what are we doing?". It's hard when your entire life is going to turn upside down in 4 short weeks to process all of that. It's very clear that I've been wanting to start a family for a VERY long time but when it actually comes to fruition it's a really scary thing. I keep thinking of all of the ways our lives are going to be different, better, but still different. I think it's probably the feeling that you have when you first see that positive on the pregnancy test. "That's so great and holy crap what have we done!" all mixed into one. This has been the overwhelming emotion I have been feeling this week mixed with the opposite emotion of fear that this isn't going to happen.

I'm not sure what's changed but I'm no longer having a flip out over the huge lifestyle and priority shift that will be happening in my world soon or the fear of K and J changing their minds. This might be short lived but I'm enjoying it. I was in a week of focusing on the negative and now my thoughts have take a turn for the better.

I'm thinking of all of the exciting things that we've waited for years to do with our bambino. I'm realizing I can actually go buy gender specific clothes. It's all slowly starting to sink in. I never realized I was so slow to process and accept change.


  1. I'm glad that everything seems to be settling. When is Bambino due?

  2. You're so right...even though bringing a child into our homes is what we've wished for, it still brings about thought of 'holy crap! what are we doing? I enjoy taking a nap in the middle of a Saturday. I like going to Target and only have to worry about where I left my keys so I can go' etc. Yes, I think it's or adoption. I think about it often. Your life is going to change in every way! But as you know, it will not be easy all of the time, but it will be all good;)

  3. Hi Jen,

    You don't know me...but my name is Wendy and I have the joy of knowing one of your fellow bloggers...Melissa from "Full Circle" She is an amazing woman and wonderful parent. I'm guessing you will be the same. :)
    Congratulations to your husband and you. I'm glad you're starting to lose some of the anxiety that comes with this process...but should it arise again...I'm quite confident you'll work through it. :)

    All the best,

    BTW, I used to live in Denver back in 2000 for a little over a year. What a beautiful city and state. :)

  4. I felt exactly the same way and it is a huge change, but so worth it!