Birthparents

I was stopped in a torential rain storm today in my car and had some time to think about the incident with my neighbor yesterday. After considering his comment more I wish that I had addressed his underlying fear about birthmothers.

I was so taken aback by the comment that I didn't think that his comment was really more a comment of fear about birthmothers. (So many things to educate people about!). It is so disheartening to experience how people feel about the women who make the extremely difficult decision to create a plan of adoption. I can't imagine the burden that they carry when comments like this are wielded about freely. I was offended because I already feel protective of my future bambino but really I should have responded about the bravery and thoughtfulness of those women and men who make this very difficult decision that enable many of us to be parents. I know even in my brief experience of being matched my heart was breaking for the birthmom and she was in my thoughts all night through her labor.

Sadly, I know the occasion will arise again to educate someone else. I have a lifetime of being an adoption ambassador ahead of me so I'm sure I'll get a redo on this one.

Crack Babies/Stupid Comments

So, I was just out walking the dog in front of our building and ran into my neighbor. Word has traveled fast that we are moving so we are now chatting more than ever with everyone in our building. We've shared with many of our neighbors that we are adopting and so we are moving to have more space. Of course, word of us adopting has traveled quickly along with the gossip of us moving.

My neighbor stopped me to inquire about our move and I once again shared that we were adopting and that's why we were moving. He's a neighbor that I like and one that I generally chat with. When I explained about the adoption he said, "You aren't getting a crack baby are you?". What an insane question to ask. Part of me wanted to say, "Yes. I am getting a crack baby."

Of course, I was a good adoption ambassador and explained to him the criteria and forms that you fill out with the agency to ensure a good match and explained that some people are more open than others to different experiences and challenges and if he was concerned about something like that he could indicate so with the agency should he ever choose to adopt. (I am cutting him some slack because he and his partner are gay and may have considered adoption). I know people sometimes don't have filters and are just verbalizing their fears but SERIOUSLY?!?!

He then continued to tell me that his friends "got a baby" from a mom who abused drugs and the daughter is now a dilinquent even though they are wealthy and gave her everything. (Notice no mention of their parenting abilities). I was a little worn down so I just said with a smile, of course, the child you birth could come out the same way. Lord knows I've known plenty of families like that (smile and laugh).

I'm so glad I have this lovely blog to vent!

Father's Day

Today I am so grateful for my wonderful husband, Joel. From the moment that I met Joel I knew that he would be an amazing father. Joel is very patient and kind. He's an excellent teacher and very caring and protective of those that he loves. Just watching him interact with his nieces and nephews I could tell that he'd be a natural. Our little bambino will be lucky to call Joel "dad".

I'm excited to be celebrating today with my amazing husband and dad-to-be as well as my own wonderful father and father-in-law. Happy Father's Day!

New House

I'm so excited to report that we are under contract on a house. It's about 15 blocks from our current house and in the neighborhood in which we were hoping to move. It's a few blocks north of our cut-off but the neighborhood is great. There are so many families on the blocks around our house. It seems like every porch has a jogging stroller on it. The neighborhood is very diverse and historic. I also learned that the neighborhood was historically the only integrated neighborhood in Denver. Very cool! The house was built in 1902 and has been completely updated and is ready for us to just move in. I am so excited to know that we are going to have a home to bring bambino home to (whenever that happens). The house just feels so great and I'm so ecstatic to actually have a backyard. I'm praying that nothing unexpected arises. If nothing crazy happens we have a house!!!

Adoption Stories

I love reading adoption blogs in my spare time. I have to admit I've become a bit of an adoption blog junky. It's a nice diversion from my own long wait. Every time I see a blog where the parents are holding their baby for the first time I start to feel the emotion well up and then the tears begin. It's such an incredible and inspiring thing to see and it gives me hope that one day our faces will be in those photos with our own little bambino.

Managing Expectations

If my adoption journey has taught me anything it is don't count your chickens before they hatch. So, the house that I LOVED went under contract before we could get a bid in on it. We were planning on writing the bid this evening. Fortunately, we went out looking again and we found a house that could work yesterday and one that we really like and actually will be making an offer on first thing in the morning. I'm trying to be more zen about this whole thing. The universe keeps trying to teach me patience but I'm a really slow learner.

House Search

Yesterday we went out looking for houses and I found a house that I love. It went under contract and I was heart broken and it has come back on the market again. It's in my ideal neighborhood and is an amazing house built in 1905. It's one block from a beautiful huge park and a few blocks from the zoo. I vowed to myself that I wouldn't fall in love with anything so that we were actually getting a good deal. This house has a lot of interest and I'm really nervous about getting in a bidding war. I'm notoriously good at picking a great location and a hot neighborhood but notoriously bad for getting emotionally involved and not getting a good deal.

We looked at five houses yesterday but hated all of them but one (the one I LOVE). We only have 7 more to see today. I really hope that we find at least one other house that we even remotely like. The homes that we saw yesterday were horrible remodels and extremely over priced or they were on blocks where I didn't feel safe. This is why the housing market in Denver is ridiculous. There is no inventory of decent homes. Wish us luck - exactly one month to find a house - yikes!!!

Great Vacation

I had an amazing time in Houston with my sister, brother-in-law and fur nephew. It was so amazing and decadent to be able to spend time by the pool and chat with my sister. It definitely gave me the break and renewal that I needed. It was so relaxing to not have to worry about anything and be so comfortable. It was great to have this respite before the crazy house hunt begins this afternoon!

Offer Accepted

We have accepted an offer on our house and we will be closing in five short weeks! I'm so glad that things went so quickly! I am a complete wimp when it comes to the inconvenience of showings and I am glad that they are over (hopefully). It's been a marathon - 15 showings in less than two weeks. The dog is going to miss his fun hour-long outings but he'll be excited to have a back yard!

This is the perfect way to start my vacation. I'm off to the airport for a celebratory glass of wine (which will double as a pre-flight nerve calmer).

Vacation

My vacation has just begun! I am so excited to visit my sister and brother-in-law in Houston tomorrow. I'm ready for lots of fantastic girl time complete with pampering, pedicures and time by the pool. There's nothing better than relaxing and spending time with one of my favorite ladies. Oh, and of course, eating some fantastic Texas BBQ!

I might have a housing update tomorrow but I don't want to jinx anything!

Updates

It's so funny to be on the wait list for adoption and selling our home at the same time. I used to always jump when the phone rang in case it was "the call". Now "the call" has become the showing call that I'm anxiously awaiting or better yet, the offer call. Too funny!

Today will mark 12 showings in one week but no offers. We continue to receive the craziest comments from people. The one yesterday was that we don't have a porch. This should not have been surprising when they had to take an elevator to the 8th floor. Does the balcony qualify as a porch? So crazy! Anyway, I'm enjoying (hopefully) some of my last time on my balcony/porch updating my blog and enjoying the first clear view I've seen in awhile of Long's Peak and the Flatirons. Nothing to complain about today.

The baby front is stalled out which is fine with me. I'd love for baby to hold out until we're all settled. We're still at #12 this month but some families below us on the list have been placed. (This has been the case all along and does not bother me at all). So, still waiting for bambino but more impatiently waiting for a buyer.

Creeping Emotions

It's so funny how the wait and emotions in adoption and infertility can sometimes creep up on you. Just when you think it's temporarily out of your consciousness, something will sneak up on you and take you by surprise. I had two of these incidents in the last two days.

On Sunday I was watching L.aw & O.rder and the episode featured a pregnant woman who was in a car accident and ended up going into labor and delivering the baby pre-term. For some reason, this made me want to burst into tears. I couldn't pinpoint exactly why except that it reminded me that I wanted a baby and I'd been waiting more than 9 months. Not that I envied her scenario but it got to me somehow.

The next morning I was in a staff meeting and a video was shown about one of our patients (I work at a pediatric hospital). The video featured a baby who would not have survived without the help of our facility. It showed the happy family so blessed to be holding the baby that they didn't think would make it. Of course, everyone in the room was crying, but, I wasn't emotional for the obvious reason. The story was very touching and did make me want to cry for the family but, again, it was hitting me at a very different level yesterday. It was reminding me that I'm not there yet- I'm still waiting. Again, they went through a terrible ordeal to be with their child and it wasn't jealousy that I felt but more feeling irritated and sorry at my situation.

It's so funny how your emotions will give you a reality check every now and then to remind you that you are still on your journey and the experiences you have had and the grieving that you have done are not that easy to shake off and sometimes things are a little more fresh than you'd like to acknowledge.