We're Officially a Family!

On Tuesday, our adoption was finalized. This date hasn't been emotionally significant to me but it's been a nice marker for the end of the formalized process. I felt like Nora was our daughter when, like a deer in the headlights, we left the hospital and I scolded myself for swearing on the way home and anxiously made sure that no one on the road was going to put her precious life in danger.

The first weeks were surreal as we went from a couple with no children to a family but Nora felt like "ours" all the while. This was a luxury we were afforded by how amazing C and J have been through this process and their maturity and selflessness. This entire process could have felt much different and I'm blessed that we have had the experience that we have had.

Nora woke up at 4:30 am on the day of her finalization. (Daycare has thrown her sleep for a loop and she still hasn't slept through the night). I brought her downstairs on the couch to lay with her and held her back to sleep for an hour or so. It was such precious time for me to think of how blessed I am to have this beautiful and remarkable daughter. It's sometimes hard for me to realize that I get to be her mother. I notice that I refer to myself as mommy maybe a little bit more than other moms. I think it's because sometimes it's hard for me to believe that this is my life and I have the privilege of being a mother to Nora.

My sister and brother-in-law flew out to take part in her finalization. So, the house was soon crazy with four adults trying to get ready and get out the door by 6:45 am. Joel's parents were going to follow us to the court house so they were at our house as well in the midst of utter chaos. My house was a disaster and we were were all in an insane whirlwind trying to leave. I got Nora dressed and realized I lost her shoe that matched with her dress. We searched frantically for it and ended up on Plan B. Finally, we were all in the car and on our way to the courthouse.

We got to the courthouse in plenty of time and waited in line to get through security. I justified why all of us had a million cameras when they aren't normally allowed and we all proceeded into the courthouse. Just as we passed through security, I saw our caseworker. When she called my name and I saw her the emotion of the day hit me and I almost burst into tears. I was, honestly, surprised by my reaction. I think it was because our caseworker has been part of the entire process with us and the journey we had been through somehow became very real to me. Plus, I like our caseworker and realized we wouldn't really be seeing her much anymore (and as a result my house will never quite be as clean).

We proceeded to the court room and as I crossed the threshold Nora had a complete meltdown. She gets overly tired and looses it so I spent a few minutes walking through the courtroom with her in the Ergo Carrier. She finally fell asleep. The line for security was so long that the adoption case that was supposed to be before us wasn't there yet. Also, our judge wasn't there. They found a new judge (who I think was better than the original based on feedback I heard) and they decided to have us go first.

It wasn't quite like I imagined. The entire process was very fast and Nora was sound asleep through the entire process. I pictured photos of all of us calmly smiling with the judge but Joel and I were both stressed out because of the crazy timing and Nora's meltdown and Nora was sound asleep. The judge was kind enough to take a photo with us and he shared with us that he's an adoptive father of two children from Korea.

Our families then went to brunch to celebrate Nora and our new family. I felt blessed to be surrounded by our loved ones who are so happy to be celebrating Nora and who love her so dearly.

(I'm having trouble with my email so photo to come later).

Daycare

I think the title of this post explains why I haven't updated my blog in a few weeks. Nora started daycare on Monday. Dropping her off was predictably hard and horrible. I'm not one to cry or display that sort of emotion in public and it took everything in my power for my voice not to crack and to hold it together until I got to my car to burst into tears after dropping her off. Nora, on the other hand, was perfectly content. I placed her on a play mat and she made her funny growling noises while looking at the other kids and seemed totally fine.

Nora's transition to daycare has been okay. She isn't eating like she was and there were a few days where she napped for 10 minutes TOTAL all day. She's really hard to get to nap at home so that didn't really surprise me. She was almost sleeping through the night the week before we took her to daycare and now, due to the huge change, she's almost like a newborn getting up for two feedings a night to get in those extra calories. I know it's a transition for everyone and this will become our new normal.

Nora is so much fun now and has so much personality. She's such a happy, good-natured baby and I'm so very lucky. I'm even more lucky because tomorrow is her finalization and she's legally and officially be our daughter!

Last Home Visit

Yesterday was our last home visit for Nora. I've realized I'm going to miss these because the house is always spotless. What else is going to motivate Joel and I to clean every square inch of real estate including areas where no one would ever go?

We like our caseworker a lot so there is no longer any anxiety. I'm actually going to miss seeing her. We all just hung out on the floor and discussed Nora as she performed her usual feats on her play mat. When our caseworker first came over Nora was really out of sorts. She's usually really energetic and boisterous and exclaiming loudly. I was a little sad our caseworker wasn't going to see the real Nora but after she woke up a bit she was all kicky legs and excited shrieks.

I of course asked how C and J were doing and found out that C. presented at the last adoption class for the agency. That made me very happy. I remember sitting in that class listening to a birth family present and all I could think is "I wish that would be our birth family". I'm SURE that was the case when C. was presenting. It made me feel very proud of her and happy for her that she's engaged with the agency in that way. I hope that it was therapeutic for her to discuss. It also made me feel some reassurance that she's doing okay. We'll be reaching out to her soon to see if she'd like another visit so hopefully we'll get to see them both again soon.

All is happy in adoption-land. We are exactly one month from our finalization and then the paperwork and legal aspect of adoption will be over. The process has not been too hard on us (other than the horrible wait). I think it was helpful and painful to be with an agency where you are on a wait-list. It's great to see your progress; however, in the months where there is little progress or you don't move it all- that's really painful. I'm glad that this portion is coming to a close. We're now just trying to time when to get back on the list for a sibling for Nora. The wait for a sibling can be 2 years or more. We might not be done with home visits for too long.

Social Worker Visit and Finalization Date

We have another visit with our social worker today but this time in her office. Hooray! My house is a disaster and I won't have time to clean it until tomorrow. It's just another post-placement visit. It will be fun to bring Nora into the office.

It was so hard to imagine during the process that we'd ever be doing that. When you sit in that conference room for your orientation classes it's nearly impossible to imagine that you'll ever be in that space with a baby but here we are almost exactly two years later from our first orientation.

We're definitely nearing the end of the adoption process. We have one more education class and we just received our finalization date. On April 14 Nora will legally be our daughter. It's fun to have that date in mind. I'm going to borrow from my brother-in-law's family as they call his finalization day his "Love Day". I love this term so much more than "Gotcha Day" (sounds aggressive) so I'm going to officially appropriate it on April 14. I've been thinking a lot about how to celebrate this day each year. I think we're going to make it a family day. I don't want it to become another birthday. I'd like it to be more of a day for family experiences/fun. I was really hoping that it would be on my birthday (6 months to the day after her birth) but it's a few weeks after and that is okay with me. More days to celebrate are never a bad thing.