Being the Parent I Want to Be

There are two things that bother me in parenthood land (and did long before Nora came along) and they are both slightly related. The first is when parents overreact when their child falls or has a minor injury and the second is parents who don't take a long-range view of parenthood and get overly wrapped up in details (minor things do not a psycho-killer make in my opinion). Just this week I exhibited both of these tendencies.

The first incident occurred when I was moving Nora's bouncy through a door frame with her in it (bad judgment) and her finger was hit on the doorway. She let out a shrill cry (which I've only heard before when I accidentally nipped her finger when trimming her nails) and I immediately freaked out. I swooped down to grab her and comfort her and my mind went to the worst possible scenario first- I had broken her finger. (I don't think it's possible for babies to break their fingers because of the nature of their bones but I freaked out none the less). I looked at her slightly red finger and contemplated the nearest emergency room. In two seconds she was completely fine and so was I. I was then taken aback by my complete and total overreaction to the situation.

The second situation happened on Thursday night. Joel and I were both overly concerned that Nora hadn't rolled over yet. Maybe we hadn't given her enough tummy time, maybe she was in the bouncy seat too much etc. We were completely overreacting about something that didn't matter - a milestone that can happen at any time. I knew that at some point she'd be a 30 year old who knew how to walk, talk and roll-over so why was I so preoccupied with this little achievement? Of course, the next day Nora rolled over and again I was given a lesson in not overreacting. Nora may be the first or last to do many things and I need to remember that she's going to complete things at her own rate. She's her own person with her own personality and she'll develop according to her own path. I need to not put all that crazy parenting pressure on her or myself.

I think I'm going to have to become more nimble and flexible to really get this parenthood thing down. I guess by the time she leaves the house in another 20 years I'll have a slight understanding of how to do this thing called parenting.

I've really been trying to avoid reading too many books. There are too many parenting camps and I'm just not interested in joining any of them as they all contradict each other. I want to be conscious of her milestones and her development but I'm not interested in subscribing to any particular philosophy. Babies, children and people are all so different and I think it's important to remain flexible to your child's needs. Whether your child sleeps with you, cries it out or lives somewhere in-between I don't think this will impede them for the rest of their lives or provide that added boost to become a Nobel Prize winner. I need to remember the long-range view of parenthood and keep my anxious overreactions in check. It's the whole picture that matters.