Date Night and Slumber Parties

I am so ecstatic that Joel and I are having a date night tomorrow night and Nora is going to have a slumber party with grandma and grandpa.

It's been way too long since Joel and I have been on a date. Our last date night was derailed by a stomach bug. The timing this time is perfect - it's right between Joel's birthday and our anniversary. We're going to pretend we're 25 again - or at least 30. We may even stay up until 11 pm and sleep until 8 am!

I've been dying to try a new gastropub in town so we're going to start there and then see where the night takes us. I can't really describe how excited I am to go out.

Sister Time!

As a surprise for my mom, I arranged for my sister to fly out for tea this last weekend. Since I know my mom reads my blog,, I couldn't mention how EXCITED I was for my sister to come out and I especially couldn't mention that we'd then be going on a trip to celebrate her 30th birthday.



My mom was completely surprised to see my sister on Saturday which was great. We then enjoyed a phenomenal tea together. My sister and I then headed to New Mexico the following afternoon. We stayed at Ojo Caliente hot springs and it was fantastic for the first day. We enjoyed a soak, went to Taos, toured some earthships and then headed back to the room for a great dinner of cheese, olives, meats and wine. Sadly, that evening, my sister came down with the stomach flu. She slept most of the next day and we headed back home yesterday. Of all places, it was definitely the best location to be sick since all there was to do was relax anyway. I felt bad for her that she wasn't really able to celebrate her birthday.




We feel that there may be some sort of curse against Stephanie visiting NM. Years ago we had a trip to Ojo planned and Steph came home with mono. I got sick Saturday morning but miraculously rallied but poor Steph really got hit with the flu. Despite all the illness, it was still great to be together and spend time with one of my favorite people.

Girl Day

Tomorrow Nora, my mom, Joel's mom and I are all going to have afternoon tea at a local hotel famous for their traditional tea service (although I usually have the champagne). It's our post-Mother's Day mom outing and I'm really looking forward to a relaxing afternoon with the ladies. It feels like life is coming at me at a million miles an hour and I just can't keep up. Taking a little hiatus and enjoying time with the family will be perfect.

I'll try to be good and post some tea photos tomorrow.

Places to Go Things to Do

I have an active baby. I suspected that this might be the case but since I have never had a baby before I had no basis for comparison. However, I started to hear a common theme when picking up or dropping off Nora at daycare. "That little girl is active", "I wish I had half her energy"; "You better put her in track when she gets older". Nora hit the energy jackpot.

Nora's disposition is phenomenal. She's always happy and inquisitive and active. However, this little girl does not nap. If we're all lucky, she takes two 20 minute naps a day. At home, at daycare, doesn't matter. This little girl has places to go and things to do. There's always a limb in motion at all times. We laugh that she's the only baby we know with a six pack because she does incessant leg lifts.

I LOVE her activity level; however, the lack of naps has been wearing on us. I can tell Nora's tired but she just won't go down for longer than 20 minutes. I was completely shocked and amazed when I picked her up from daycare and they told me that she took a 1.5 hour nap and a 45 minute nap. Yesterday my mom was watching her and she slept 2 hours! She still has her abundant energy but she might become a more well-rested baby. I'm wondering and hoping that maybe we've turned a corner and she might get some of that precious sleep that she needs.

Lack of sleep aside, I feel so fortunate that Nora is my daughter. She has the sunniest most fun disposition and her energy level is actually a perfect match for women on my side of the family. Poor Joel has always been overwhelmed by all the estrogen-energy in my family and it looks like that legacy is going to continue with Nora.

We're Officially a Family!

On Tuesday, our adoption was finalized. This date hasn't been emotionally significant to me but it's been a nice marker for the end of the formalized process. I felt like Nora was our daughter when, like a deer in the headlights, we left the hospital and I scolded myself for swearing on the way home and anxiously made sure that no one on the road was going to put her precious life in danger.

The first weeks were surreal as we went from a couple with no children to a family but Nora felt like "ours" all the while. This was a luxury we were afforded by how amazing C and J have been through this process and their maturity and selflessness. This entire process could have felt much different and I'm blessed that we have had the experience that we have had.

Nora woke up at 4:30 am on the day of her finalization. (Daycare has thrown her sleep for a loop and she still hasn't slept through the night). I brought her downstairs on the couch to lay with her and held her back to sleep for an hour or so. It was such precious time for me to think of how blessed I am to have this beautiful and remarkable daughter. It's sometimes hard for me to realize that I get to be her mother. I notice that I refer to myself as mommy maybe a little bit more than other moms. I think it's because sometimes it's hard for me to believe that this is my life and I have the privilege of being a mother to Nora.

My sister and brother-in-law flew out to take part in her finalization. So, the house was soon crazy with four adults trying to get ready and get out the door by 6:45 am. Joel's parents were going to follow us to the court house so they were at our house as well in the midst of utter chaos. My house was a disaster and we were were all in an insane whirlwind trying to leave. I got Nora dressed and realized I lost her shoe that matched with her dress. We searched frantically for it and ended up on Plan B. Finally, we were all in the car and on our way to the courthouse.

We got to the courthouse in plenty of time and waited in line to get through security. I justified why all of us had a million cameras when they aren't normally allowed and we all proceeded into the courthouse. Just as we passed through security, I saw our caseworker. When she called my name and I saw her the emotion of the day hit me and I almost burst into tears. I was, honestly, surprised by my reaction. I think it was because our caseworker has been part of the entire process with us and the journey we had been through somehow became very real to me. Plus, I like our caseworker and realized we wouldn't really be seeing her much anymore (and as a result my house will never quite be as clean).

We proceeded to the court room and as I crossed the threshold Nora had a complete meltdown. She gets overly tired and looses it so I spent a few minutes walking through the courtroom with her in the Ergo Carrier. She finally fell asleep. The line for security was so long that the adoption case that was supposed to be before us wasn't there yet. Also, our judge wasn't there. They found a new judge (who I think was better than the original based on feedback I heard) and they decided to have us go first.

It wasn't quite like I imagined. The entire process was very fast and Nora was sound asleep through the entire process. I pictured photos of all of us calmly smiling with the judge but Joel and I were both stressed out because of the crazy timing and Nora's meltdown and Nora was sound asleep. The judge was kind enough to take a photo with us and he shared with us that he's an adoptive father of two children from Korea.

Our families then went to brunch to celebrate Nora and our new family. I felt blessed to be surrounded by our loved ones who are so happy to be celebrating Nora and who love her so dearly.

(I'm having trouble with my email so photo to come later).

Grown Up Car

I made a huge step last night. I'm a person who grows attached to things and doesn't love change (not to mention I'm pretty cheap when it comes to material possessions). I traded in the first car that I purchased with my first "real" job.

My 2000 Volksw.agen Golf has been with me through thick and thin. It's taken me to New Mexico on one tank of gas and enabled me to get a $200+ speeding ticket in Wyoming. (I won't divulge my speed but I will say that car has ZIP, no cruise control and I have a lead foot and a love of speed). I rarely had to think of filling the car up and it was just so much fun to drive. Our relationship became a little more rocky as the car required a little more love than I could give. The back hatch wouldn't stay open in cold weather which I discovered when I got knocked on the head- hard! I think the clutch might be going, the clear bra has begun to make the paint on the hood peel and she just celebrated her 107,000 mile birthday. I'll admit, it had become a bit embarrassing to go to business meetings in this car as one would expect a 20 year old guy and not a professional woman to step out of the driver's seat. However, I loved my car and held on tight. Then, along came Nora.

There were signs that the Golf's days were numbered. I never even attempted to install the car seat in the two door car. I didn't even crack the manual to find out the best position or whether to use the belt or latch system. Joel has been driving it to work and I'd been using his car. I knew for years that I really needed a new car but it's been so nice not having any car payments. However, I really wanted a safe car for Nora and one that handled well in the snow since I drive all over Colorado and Wyoming for meetings. I caved and we made a deal on a new car on Saturday.

I never thought that I would drive a car like this. To me, this car is excessively huge but by most American's standards, it's probably considered a mid-sized SUV. No matter though, Nora will be nice and safe with 7 airbags and a car that handles great in the snow. Even better, when Nora has a sibling they both can fit safely in the new car. Plus, it's so nice to have modern conveniences. (However, I am going to miss the tape deck. Sad I won't be able to play my mixed tapes from high school anymore).

I'm pretty excited to have a new car. (Thank you Toyo.tathon and awesome deals!) I spent all last night reading the owners manual front to back. (I'm meticulous with my cars). I can't wait to install the car seat and take it out in the fresh snow today. I'm such a car lover and SO my father's daughter in that regard. I look forward to another decade long relationship with this car for this new slow-driving, safety-minded period of my life.

Baby Talk

Last night Joel and I attended his company's holiday party. (I know, it's crazy they have one in a recession but his company actually does well during bad economic times). Grandma once again came over to babysit while Joel and I attended this event. It's so difficult getting dressed these days when I really am in my schleppy maternity leave clothes most of the time. I did manage to paint my toenails and make my fingernails look presentable, which felt like a huge feat. So, off we went to the holiday party.

We sat at a table with Joel's colleagues that he's closest to and enjoyed our dinner. The conversation was interesting to me. Most at the table knew that we had just adopted and was so excited for us but one couple did not know. The party was at a casino and so the small talk was centered around whether people were spending the night or staying to gamble. I commented that we had a two month old so we'd be heading back down the mountain. She took a look at me and said a bit sarcastically, "What, did you adopt?". She was then surprised when I said yes. (I think this is much more plausible than dropping baby weight in record time unless you are Heidi Klum). There was then the long string of questions about adoption. It was interesting because usually I love to discuss adoption but I just wasn't in the mood to answer all the usual questions politely. I realized later it was because she was just a nosy stranger and didn't really want any information on adoption but in my sleep deprived state this didn't occur to me. I finally changed the subject and we moved on.

Interestingly, another colleague of Joel's has been going through a lot of infertility issues. I was in a separate conversation after dinner when I overheard Joel saying "IUI". I couldn't fathom what he was talking about but then realized that the couple was on the same path we had been on. They asked a lot of questions about adoption and even about cost and this, of course, didn't bother me at all. It's all about intent and context.

The most interesting part of the night for me was toward the end when we were talking with all of Joel's colleagues with kids about having kids. I have never been a part of this club before. These conversations were always like the tenth circle of hell for me but I actually got to participate last night. I didn't have to say the usual, "wow" or "I can't imagine". I could actually reply with my own stories of parenthood. It wasn't draining having this conversation but fun and I realized on the way home that this was such a turning point. I think it just takes a while to sink in all the ways that my life has changed.

I didn't have 9 months to realize I was having a baby. I had a year and a half of being "paper pregnant" but I think I was in such disbelief that it would ever happen. Even when we were matched I still was not certain that we'd be parents and didn't embrace that idea. (Nora came two days late and I still hadn't packed for the hospital until I got the call). It's interesting all of the little things that keep reinforcing to me that this is real and we're finally a family.

Gratitude

It's been a very busy week for me. We've had lots of visitors and celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary. I've wanted to write a post for the last couple of days about how grateful I am right now.

Joel and I had a great day on Saturday. My parents came over to watch Nora while we attended a baptism class and then celebrated our anniversary with a lunch and a little time together. (We've determined time during the day is so much more enjoyable than going out at night when we are dead tired). It was nice to wander around downtown together and visit gourmet food stores and our favorite book store. It was particularly nice because it was cold so there weren't many people out wandering around.

Saturday night I was supposed to attend a going away party for a very close friend but the snow began to fall and the party was a 45 min. drive away so we decided to stay in with Nora. I made homemade chicken soup and we spent a great evening together as the snow began to fall. I felt so grateful to have such a great husband and now, father, a beautiful daughter, a new house in a neighborhood that we love and awesome parents who are already so involved with Nora. It was one of those moments where everything was so perfect and I felt so grateful. I've had a lot of struggles over the last year and a half and I feel so grateful to have those moments where everything in life seems right.

Date Night

Joel and I have always promised each other that when we were fortunate enough to have a baby, we would make a concerted effort to have time with just us. I'm a firm believer in a happy mommy makes for a better mommy. I think it's really important to take time for yourself to recharge your batteries so you have something left to give to baby.

So, off we went on our first date post-Nora. My parents watched Nora and they urged us to stay out until 11 pm or midnight. Ha ha- I go to bed at 8 these days so I can do second shift. We left them with a mildly disgruntled baby. (I thought I'd take a photo of the occasion but Nora was a little unhappy).

We went to a restaurant we'd been dying to try. We had many small plates, a cocktail and glass of wine and it felt decadent. Inevitably, the beginning of the conversation was a discussion about how much Nora threw up today and whether it was spit up or actual vomit. I know- great dinner conversation! However, we then moved into other, more appropriate, subjects and enjoyed our time out. I looked at my watch assuming that it was pretty late and had to laugh when it said 6:45. Much to my parent's dismay, we were home a bit after 8 pm.

It was great to have a little time outside of the house (especially since Nora can't go anywhere). I'm proud of us for making some couple time and Nora was exactly one month old.

Letter to C and J and Weekend with Family

I finally had enough sleep and enough espresso in me on Saturday to write AND complete a letter to C and J. We aren't due to send them anything for several months but I really wanted to respond to the letter they sent us and I also really wanted to let them know how Nora is doing. I'm so happy that we have finally completed this letter. I'd been crafting it in my head for the last two weeks but was hard pressed to find a good chunk of time to write it. It feels like such a relief to have this completed. It wasn't out of obligation at all but rather just to let them know how much we appreciate our new family.

Speaking of family, we had lots of great visitors and help from family this weekend. My parents came over and watched Nora for several hours while I was able to go to run a week's worth of errands and Joel was able to put our garden to rest and finish building our compost bin. My mom was nice enough to even clean my house! Nora was sleeping so she decided she'd clean with the extra time. This was a tremendous help as we had Joel's parents and brother's family coming over for dinner the next day. I couldn't have pulled it off without all of their help.

It was so much fun to see Joel's family visit Nora for the first time and to watch her grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle and cousins hold her for the first time. It was a great weekend!

Welcoming Nora to our Family

Yesterday was incredibly hard but also incredibly beautiful. K and J were so strong and amazing and I'm so grateful that they are likely to be in our lives. They were so gracious with allowing our family to visit and really enjoyed meeting our families. I think it made them feel even more comfortable with their decision as they saw how happy the grandparents were to meet their new grandchild.

We held a ceremony at approximately 1 pm to recognize Nora's transition to our family. It was incredibly beautiful. A candle with three wicks was lit (illicitly in the hospital) to symbolize Nora and each of our families coming together. Two poems were read and then each of us went around the room expressing our wishes for Nora. Both sets of grandparents were present as well as K and J and K's mother. The only one in the room not sobbing was Nora. She just slept so peacefully. K and J then passed Nora to us. Somehow we all found strength and the ceremony was so beautiful and bittersweet.

We were hoping, because we like K and J, that they might continue to be a part of our lives. K's mom asked if they could attend the baptism and we were happy she asked. I had thought about including them since we are all Catholic and this thread has been very important to them. So, I'm happy they will have a chance to see Nora again for her baptism in December.

By the time the ceremony ended, I was completely exhausted - emotionally, physically and mentally. We wanted to give K and J their time so we didn't really have much time with Nora at the hospital. The time we did have with her we always had a lot of people in the room observing so I was so ready to get home and figure out through trial and error how to be a mom without an audience.

Our first night with Nora was a little trying. She and I were both crying at 1 in the morning. She's an amazing baby and so pleasant and after 4 hours of sleep late this morning - I'm loving every minute of it. We've even mastered the sling and took a little walk through the neighborhood. I'm so happy to have Nora home for good!

Continuing a Tradition

Joel's parents came down to visit yesterday and brought with them a bassinet that they had lovingly restored and finished. The bassinet has been passed down to numerous family members. The tradition is that each child's name is written on the base of the bassinet to indicate that they have used it.

Joel's parents both spent quite a bit of time refinishing and staining the bassinet to perfection. As you can see, it's perfectly restored. I've also received some beautiful heirlooms from my parents including hand knitted sweaters that my mom had worn and a beautiful quilt in which each of my aunts embroidered a square for me when I was born. It's so amazing to have all of these family heirlooms. I'm so grateful that these have been saved to be passed on to us.

The baby room is still a work in progress. It took Joel a few days to paint the baby room. He re-painted the ceiling, the walls and finished the trim. The room looks great. I have yet to put back together the crib or get anything else together but it's in the closet when I'm ready.

We are meeting K and J tomorrow for coffee. I've had a lot going on in my life this last week, including, unfortunately, a death in the family, so I haven't really thought about this much. If anyone is on the other side of adoption and has any recommendations of things to discuss that I might not think of, please leave me a comment. My mind is not in the best place at the moment.

Settling In

Today is day three in the new house. The number of boxes are starting to dwindle and everyone is feeling a little more settled. I think even the dog has come to accept that this is his new home (after three homes in the last week). He's really quite the guard dog, which is funny, considering that he is 17 lbs. If no one saw him and just heard the barking it might do the trick.

Our move went really smoothly and I am so incredibly grateful for all of our friends and family who helped to move us in. The move took about an hour and we had everyone hang out for some bbq after the move. It was so nice to look around and feel so supported by our amazing friends and family. It just made me that much more excited to be in the new house and be able to share it with all those close to us.

Celebrating Mothers-to-Be

This is a little bit belated, but, I just wanted to post a note about how thoughtful my husband and parents were on Mother's Day. We have a tradition to give corsages to our mothers and my grandmother and this year Joel ordered one for me as well. I thought it was so sweet for him to acknowledge my "expectant" motherhood. My parents also gave me a very sweet mother-to-be card. It means so much to have such thoughtful people around. It made a holiday that might have been a bit difficult much easier and more celebratory.

Mother's Day

I'm waking up to a cloudy and overcast Mother's Day. I've been a bit worried about this day for awhile. We were approved for adoption the day after Mother's Day last year. It made Mother's Day last year a happy holiday. For the last four years, Mother's Day is always a bitter-sweet day for me. Of course, I'm so grateful for my mother, grandmother and mother-in-law but it's also a hard holiday when you so desperately want to be a mother yourself. Last year I felt like I could cautiously celebrate this holiday. I also felt like I would certainly be celebrating with a child of my own this year.

I thought this day would be hard because it marks two milestones- Mother's Day and a year that we've been waiting, but, I'm not feeling particularly disappointed today which I'm very grateful about. I know my turn to celebrate this day will come. So, I'd like to wish everyone a happy Mother's Day - especially those who have had to go through so much to celebrate this day.

Number 13

The wait for bambino continues. I haven't update the blog in awhile because I was having a bit of a pity party after our fire drill. That is improving because I truly know that at some point we will have a baby; however, my impatience is beginning to get the best of me.

It seems a little silly to cling to our number on the list since we've already been profiled and selected once but it is nice to have a reminder that we're closer each day to starting our family.

I know that the soon-to-be grandparents are anxiously awaiting bambino. My parents have prepared us with a car seat and Joel's mom knitted us a beautiful organic cotton baby blanket that we truly treasure. Joel's mom has also borrowed all of our Adoptive Families magazines to learn more about adoption and the entire process. We're so fortunate to have such supportive parents who are so eager to welcome bambino home!

She's in Labor

I received the message this afternoon that birth mom is in labor. I was expecting a call to tell us what time our meeting was the following day since I had been so scattered on the phone on Friday. My mind raced when I found out the news. How could she be in labor?!?! She's not due until February 25. I immediately called Joel to tell him the news. He was certainly in shock as well. I called our caseworker back and she informed us that birth mom had gone into labor and had been in contact with the agency. This certainly changes everything.

I quickly condensed five weeks of maternity leave planning at work into an hour long meeting that was also filled with advice on what baby products I absolutely needed and which were non-essential. It took me about three hours to get out of work with the prospect that I wouldn't be returning for three months.

On the drive home when I had time to be quiet, everything began to hit me. I called my sister and my parents and gave them both the news. It's definitely not as expected, but what has been up until this point?

When I arrived home I had so many emotions. I'm worried about birth mom realizing that at this very moment she is in horrible physical and emotional pain. I'm worried that the baby is being born five weeks early. I'm excited because I might have a baby in two days. I'm freaking out because I might have a baby in two days and don't have diapers, or a name for that matter.

I decided to do something to honor my feelings of helplessness and my anxiety surrounding birth mom and bambino's present states. Joel and I lit a "Laughter" candle and prayed for birth mom, the bambino and ourselves that everything would work out the way that it was meant to be. The outside of the candle has a prayer which seemed very appropriate: Let me see the bright side of life. Let the joy of laughter enter my life every day, bringing happiness and healing to my heart. I concentrated a lot on bringing happiness and healing to everyone's hearts in this situation.

It's now 12:45 am and I've slept for about an hour. I can't sleep. I'm so wound up with the multitude of possibilities in my head. I'm a mom beginning tomorrow; it was a false start- I'm not a mom yet. Is everyone okay? What are we naming her if she is truly our bambino? What should I wear tomorrow to meet birth mom? What do I say to her? She's going to be a complete wreck after having given birth. Has she held the baby yet? Did that change her mind? If she hasn't held the baby is the baby lonely in the nursery all by herself? Will she change her mind seems to be the most common theme. Tomorrow at 9:30 am can't come soon enough.

Celebrating Christmas Traditions

Some of the most meaningful gifts that I received this Christmas had a common theme of new traditions that would become part of our holiday celebration. This included Christmas tree and snowflake shaped pancake molds and silverware holders shaped like stockings that my mom made. Normally, these things wouldn't excite me, but, with the prospect of sharing these with our new family they were by far the most meaningful gifts we could have received.

Joel and I already have some of our own traditions. One of these traditions is buying an ornament when we are on vacation so that when we decorate our tree each year we can reminisce about all the places that we've been and things that we've seen. (Usually these are fairly eccentric, like sock monkeys and funky key chains from the days before we had real ornaments.)

One of the most incredible and memorable experienes that we've had this year is making the decision to adopt. We added an ornament to our tree in honor of our baby who has yet to join our family. It's a star ornament with intertwined beads in the center- a perfect symbol of the way that lives and histories become intertwined through adoption.

With excitement, we placed this ornament on our tree with the hopes that we'll be showing it to bambino next Christmas.