I Need a Wife

Joel and I have been watching the HBO series on polygamy, Big Love, and it's got me thinking that I need a wife. It's impossible for me to work, take care of Nora and make sure that the house is in order. I also am not great at some domestic tasks. I'm a great cook and I can clean but it took me an obscenely long time to fix the hem in my pants and iron them. So, I'm looking for a wife.

Not just any wife, either. I can't have a clone of myself. I'm a twenty-first century wife with some domestic skills and a good education but I need a pioneer woman to complete our family. I need a wife who is hardy, knows how to darn a sock and hem pants and use an iron. Until we're able to time travel, embrace polygamy and add said woman to our family, I think our house will always just barely be clean, pants will be taken to the alterations place, shirts will be taken to the dry cleaner to be ironed and closets will never really be organized.

Joel's a great man and does a lot around the house but even the best of men can't multi-task and get things done like a woman. I'm taking applications for anyone interested. Your payment is great home-cooked meals, time with a super-cute baby and lots of love and admiration from this domestically-challenged woman.

Exhausted

This week being a working mom has really caught up with me. I've felt sick all week alternating between a sinus issue and a stomach bug but in reality I think I'm just exhausted. Work has been really busy and has included evenings and weekends and I think I'm just super tired. The good news is I have a few hours of work today and then I'm off on Monday and Tuesday. Hooray!

It's a sad state of affairs when you are fantasizing about mopping your floors and organizing your closets but I'm really looking forward to getting my life back in order. I'm also looking forward to putting together a book for Nora that tells her adoption story. I know I have a lot on the list for just a few days off but I'm really looking forward to even crossing a few things off that long list.

Nora seems like she's grown so much in the past week. She is now in her 6 month clothes (almost at 8 months) and seems to have gotten longer. Her speed at rolling across the floor and grabbing things is also astounding and literally changed over night. I can't take my eyes off of her for even a second or she's rolled across the floor and has grabbed my purse or is about to grab a bone out of the dog's bed. It's so incredible how much she changes each day.

A Day Late

I had no idea that yesterday was Bithmother's Day. I'm so glad I follow so many blogs of so many with-it people so that I was able to find out this important piece of information. So, in typical Jen fashion, I'm going to be a little backwards. (After all, I was the only kid in my kindergarten class who insisted on painting the candy cane in my art project blue). So, Mother's Day post yesterday and Birthmother's Day post today.

As I alluded to yesterday in my Mother's Day post, church has always been a sore spot for me on Mother's Day. I think the uninterrupted hour to think sometimes puts me in a special place. Yesterday, I found myself feeling very emotional thinking of C. on this day. She's a strong woman and I know she'll put on a strong face for today as she likely celebrates with her family but I'm sue this day is very hard for her. It's hard to know that she's likely having the very opposite experience of myself this day. She's having the experience I've had for many years with a different level of grief added to it thinking about an actual baby, Nora, on this day.

We correspond with C and J every few months through the agency and offered a time to get together. I hadn't heard from C and J and was sad and disappointed thinking that they didn't want to see us. I also know that the process is hard and will ebb and flow and I wanted to respect wherever they were at in their lives.

Our caseworker contacted us last week and said that they wanted to get together this Wednesday. So, I'm very pleased that they will get to see Nora in a few short days. Perhaps, this makes today a little easier for C or maybe not. At least I'll be able to wish her a Happy Birthmother's Day in person and she'll get some important time with Nora.

Mother's Day

I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head about Mother's Day this year. I remember the feeling of excitement on the Mother's Day when we were first trying to get pregnant and my anticipation of celebrating the next year with a baby of my own. The subsequent Mother's Days during infertility and the adoption wait were always a mix of some glimmer of hope, sadness and frustration. Going to church on Mother's Day felt like the ultimate torture as the church was crammed with families, babies and moms. It was so hard and it took everything in my power for me not to burst into tears being surrounded by so many moms and in many ways being angry at God and the universe for the fact that I too couldn't be a mom.

Mother's Day to me this year seems more exciting than Christmas. I've been waiting so long to celebrate this holiday with a child of my own and I left work on Friday giddy to celebrate with all of the other moms on Sunday. It's such a special holiday to me this year and one that I feel privileged to celebrate for the first time.

My thoughts will be with all of those who are still waiting to celebrate their first Mother's Day. I know what a painful holiday it can be.

Finally, a HUGE congratulations to E on celebrating her first Mother's Day! I've followed E for such a long time and I'm so ecstatic for her to, as she put it, finally be a mom!

Places to Go Things to Do

I have an active baby. I suspected that this might be the case but since I have never had a baby before I had no basis for comparison. However, I started to hear a common theme when picking up or dropping off Nora at daycare. "That little girl is active", "I wish I had half her energy"; "You better put her in track when she gets older". Nora hit the energy jackpot.

Nora's disposition is phenomenal. She's always happy and inquisitive and active. However, this little girl does not nap. If we're all lucky, she takes two 20 minute naps a day. At home, at daycare, doesn't matter. This little girl has places to go and things to do. There's always a limb in motion at all times. We laugh that she's the only baby we know with a six pack because she does incessant leg lifts.

I LOVE her activity level; however, the lack of naps has been wearing on us. I can tell Nora's tired but she just won't go down for longer than 20 minutes. I was completely shocked and amazed when I picked her up from daycare and they told me that she took a 1.5 hour nap and a 45 minute nap. Yesterday my mom was watching her and she slept 2 hours! She still has her abundant energy but she might become a more well-rested baby. I'm wondering and hoping that maybe we've turned a corner and she might get some of that precious sleep that she needs.

Lack of sleep aside, I feel so fortunate that Nora is my daughter. She has the sunniest most fun disposition and her energy level is actually a perfect match for women on my side of the family. Poor Joel has always been overwhelmed by all the estrogen-energy in my family and it looks like that legacy is going to continue with Nora.

Life in Photos

I've really missed blogging lately but my life has been jam-packed between work and mommy-hood and I want to soak up every moment I can with Nora.

We were fortunate to have a good friend of ours, Krzysztof, drop by one Saturday morning to help my husband brew. We were particularly fortunate because Krzy is an amazing photographer and happened to bring along his camera. The unfortunate part is that I hadn't showered or really even dressed for the occasion let alone put on makeup. So, please enjoy the lovely photos of my daughter and be kind with my un-showered, un-make-uped shots. Also, I'd like to put in a shameless plug for our friend. If anyone lives in Denver, here's his website: Leaffoto

I thought these photos would serve as a good visual representation of our life over the last few weeks.

We're Officially a Family!

On Tuesday, our adoption was finalized. This date hasn't been emotionally significant to me but it's been a nice marker for the end of the formalized process. I felt like Nora was our daughter when, like a deer in the headlights, we left the hospital and I scolded myself for swearing on the way home and anxiously made sure that no one on the road was going to put her precious life in danger.

The first weeks were surreal as we went from a couple with no children to a family but Nora felt like "ours" all the while. This was a luxury we were afforded by how amazing C and J have been through this process and their maturity and selflessness. This entire process could have felt much different and I'm blessed that we have had the experience that we have had.

Nora woke up at 4:30 am on the day of her finalization. (Daycare has thrown her sleep for a loop and she still hasn't slept through the night). I brought her downstairs on the couch to lay with her and held her back to sleep for an hour or so. It was such precious time for me to think of how blessed I am to have this beautiful and remarkable daughter. It's sometimes hard for me to realize that I get to be her mother. I notice that I refer to myself as mommy maybe a little bit more than other moms. I think it's because sometimes it's hard for me to believe that this is my life and I have the privilege of being a mother to Nora.

My sister and brother-in-law flew out to take part in her finalization. So, the house was soon crazy with four adults trying to get ready and get out the door by 6:45 am. Joel's parents were going to follow us to the court house so they were at our house as well in the midst of utter chaos. My house was a disaster and we were were all in an insane whirlwind trying to leave. I got Nora dressed and realized I lost her shoe that matched with her dress. We searched frantically for it and ended up on Plan B. Finally, we were all in the car and on our way to the courthouse.

We got to the courthouse in plenty of time and waited in line to get through security. I justified why all of us had a million cameras when they aren't normally allowed and we all proceeded into the courthouse. Just as we passed through security, I saw our caseworker. When she called my name and I saw her the emotion of the day hit me and I almost burst into tears. I was, honestly, surprised by my reaction. I think it was because our caseworker has been part of the entire process with us and the journey we had been through somehow became very real to me. Plus, I like our caseworker and realized we wouldn't really be seeing her much anymore (and as a result my house will never quite be as clean).

We proceeded to the court room and as I crossed the threshold Nora had a complete meltdown. She gets overly tired and looses it so I spent a few minutes walking through the courtroom with her in the Ergo Carrier. She finally fell asleep. The line for security was so long that the adoption case that was supposed to be before us wasn't there yet. Also, our judge wasn't there. They found a new judge (who I think was better than the original based on feedback I heard) and they decided to have us go first.

It wasn't quite like I imagined. The entire process was very fast and Nora was sound asleep through the entire process. I pictured photos of all of us calmly smiling with the judge but Joel and I were both stressed out because of the crazy timing and Nora's meltdown and Nora was sound asleep. The judge was kind enough to take a photo with us and he shared with us that he's an adoptive father of two children from Korea.

Our families then went to brunch to celebrate Nora and our new family. I felt blessed to be surrounded by our loved ones who are so happy to be celebrating Nora and who love her so dearly.

(I'm having trouble with my email so photo to come later).